Why you should give short guys a chance

We hear it over and over in our dating workshops. Women want a guy who is tall. Preferably over six feet. Certainly not under 5’ 11”. At the very least he must be taller than her.

Blame it on evolutionary biology and the idea that in prehistoric times taller men had a greater chance of defending their families. Or blame it on cultural influences such as Hollywood films where the leading man always looks down on his shorter female co-star.

The desire for height may be conscious or unconscious, but women who insist any guy they date has to tower over them are doing themselves a disservice. Not only are they perpetuating a superficial bias (imagine if men insisted they would only date women with big breasts!), but they are also narrowing their pool of potential dates and mates (only 14% of men are over six feet tall). Did you know that research proves shorter men have more successful long-term relationships?

Look, I get it. When I was dating, I wanted a man who was at least as tall as me. My ex and I used to stand back-to-back in the early days and have friendly arguments about who was a hair taller (we were exactly the same height, 5’ 8”, although he’s 70 now and has shrunk a couple of inches). Before meeting my partner, Amit, three years ago, I dated a guy who was 6 feet. Sure, it was nice to tip my chin up when we kissed, but in the end, our vastly different personalities made us the wrong match.

Then there was a guy I met online whose profile said he was 5’ 6”. I almost swiped left but then I saw he was a fan of the author, Wally Lamb, who wrote She’s Come Undone and I Know This Much is True, two of my favourite books, both with strong female protagonists. That was enough for me to take a second look. When we met up, he was actually shorter than he had said and barely came up to my shoulder. During our entire walk, I kept up an internal dialogue with myself: “Don’t be superficial.” “See what this guy’s about.” “Height isn’t everything. In fact, really, it has nothing to do with who this person is.” I faced my hardwiring for height head-on. 

He was a social worker, a bird lover, and a former rugby player. We went out three times. I gave him a chance, but in the end, our conversations stalled and I didn’t feel a connection. 

My partner Amit is an inch or so taller than me. His dating profile read, “Five feet nine and a half inches. Six feet in heels.” That made me laugh. Three years later, he’s still making me laugh.

If he had been 5’ 6” inches, I would have gone out with him too.

When I asked Amit what he thought about all this, he told me he once dated a woman who was two inches taller than him. It didn’t faze him. He also thinks he missed out on meeting some women he was interested in because he didn’t reach the six-foot threshold.

“Height shouldn’t be such a big deal — for men or for women,” he says.  “What’s important is how you feel when you are together, not how you look when you’re together.”

“And besides, when you’re horizontal, height doesn’t matter one bit.”