Online dating from a man’s point of view

Men don’t always have an easy time with online dating either, says Amit.

While Amit generally had positive experiences during his two years online — okay, he actually said he felt like “a kid in a candy store”  (says no woman ever), he was taken aback at times by some of the behaviours of women he connected with.
 
For example, on his very first online date when he ventured into the online world after being separated for almost two years after a 20+ year marriage, a woman  asked him to come to her apartment to pick her up for a coffee date. She invited him in and clearly had no intention of having coffee and instead suggested a physical encounter, which was extremely awkward for him, and one he rebuffed.
 
There were also several women who suggested they meet for a drink at the end of the work day and expected that drinks would turn into a multi-course meal. Then they’d head to the ladies' room when the bill came. He’d be left with a hefty tab, but also with new knowledge about the kind of women to avoid.
 
After that, Amit planned dates that involved walks and hikes and simple coffee outings. These dating experiences helped him become more aware of what it was he was looking for, (which is why we advise our workshop participants to just get out there and start exercising their dating muscles by meeting new people, and approaching the encounter as if they are simply making new friends).
 
There were also women who had a laundry list of requirements — they wanted men who were six feet tall, with a full head of hair, plenty of assets (a cottage would be nice), who drove a late-model car, and were willing to spring for expensive travel destinations.
 
Some women were also quick to make judgments based on innocent comments (which can easily happen when you are conversing with a complete stranger online). There was the time Amit was texting with a woman and casually asked what was on her bedside table (meaning, what was she reading). She took great offense and called him a “creep.” Back to swiping for him.
 
Amit would sometimes give his first dates small token gifts if the date went well. Once he gave a woman a small package of scented soap made by a friend of his and the date was taken aback. “What, you want to have a bath with me?” Sometimes a guy just can’t win. Back to swiping.
 
So, no, men don’t always have an easy time online either. It’s good to keep this in mind. They are also struggling, lonely, and feeling companionship may have passed them by.
 
Amit’s advice? “Think of online dating as being similar to trying out a new restaurant. The risk of getting food poisoning is always there, yes, but the chances of having an amazing, beautiful experience is also possible.”

“Put yourself in a guy’s shoes. Don’t assume all men are players. Most of them are just like you, finding their way in this online dating world.”
 
He concludes, “It pays to be cautious because there are creeps and scammers out there (and in our workshop we teach you exactly how to avoid these characters), but there’s also the whole wonderful joyous expectation of finding your one true love.”