6 Common Myths About Dating That May Be Holding You Back
1. You have to be desperate to go online
Not true. Online dating has become the most popular way couples meet today. Where once friends and family played matchmaker, now it’s the algorithms on dating sites that determine your match. Research by Stanford psychologist Michael Stenfeld, an expert in dating and the internet, found that almost 40 percent of heterosexual couples report meeting their partner online, compared to 22 percent in 2009. “People trust dating technology more and more and the stigma of meeting online seems to have worn off,” he says.
Jim Adams and Audrey Coutts met on Silver Singles
when they were close to 80.
2. I’m too old to try online dating
People over 60 are the fastest-growing demographic in online dating. Consider Canadians Jim Adams, a retired professor, and Audrey Coutts, a retired insurance broker, who met on the dating app Silver Singles and got married last year when they were 78 and 79, respectively. Their story was featured in People magazine.
3. There aren’t any quality people online
See above.
4. The online dating world is full of scammers
Tinder swindlers. Catfishing. Romance scams. Yes, it’s wise to be cautious. But while it’s true that there are unethical people on dating sites who try to take advantage of lonely hearts, don’t allow a few bad apples to ruin a potential crop of promising suitors.
The key is to spot red flags early on. These include: a romantic interest who looks like a movie star or model in their photo, quickly asks to get off the dating website to communicate by email or text, lavishes you with flattery, and constantly makes excuses for why they can’t meet in person (i.e., they are working on an oil rig) or — huge warning bells here—asks you for money (usually because of an “emergency” situation). Regardless of how tempting they might seem, don’t engage. Block them and move on to someone who is willing to meet in person. Then at least you’ll know they’re real.
5. I need to be in better shape before I go online
Don’t wait until you’ve achieved some notion of your future perfect self. The reality is, you are getting older, and love — or companionship or friendship or whatever it is you are looking for — could be waiting for you. By all means, continue to work on being the best version of yourself that you can be. But don’t let excuses and/or insecurity hold you back. Go as you are.
6. It’s been years since I dated. I’m worried I won’t know how
Your skill set may be rusty but trust us, you’ll know what to do when you meet someone you like. Keep the first date simple and short — coffee in a café or, better yet, a walk in a public place so you’ll at least feel good about getting some exercise if the date doesn’t work out. Talk to friends about their experiences with online dating or take a dating workshop to prepare yourself for the online world.
Ultimately, you need to overcome the fear of being vulnerable in taking the steps to build a profile and meet someone online, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve dated. We know it can be scary and you can feel unprepared and unmotivated to do so.
If you feel you’re in that boat, check out [Am I Ready to Get Back Out There?] LINK TO GUIDE Our 5-step mindset guide to figuring out where you’re at and how to overcome the fear of trying something completely new to you
